A conversation over dinner with Sonny:


Sonny: “K is moving in with Papa.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Sonny: “She is not going to live in her house anymore.”

Me: “Do you know when she is moving in?”

Sonny: “In December…I think.”


I knew this day would come, but I wasn’t quite sure how I would feel about it when it did. I suppose I have just been burying my head in the sand, hoping it never would. Now that it has, I am less than happy. It is not that I am still in love with my ex, it’s just that I don’t like the thought of another woman enjoying the comforts of my old home (which I still own 50/50 with my ex), while I am forced to rent a small flat 10 kms down the road. Is that petty of me?


Most of you will be wondering how I have managed to get myself into this situation? Why haven’t I taken my ex to court and forced him to sell, to give me my half? I could, I suppose, but I am just not ready yet. I know that as soon as I take this route my relationship with my ex will turn sour (very sour) and Sonny will suffer as a result.


I think I have made the right decision, but it still doesn’t make it easy.



11 Responses

  1. As an outside observer it seems amazing to me that your ex could invite anybody (male or female) to live in a house that you co-own without having the common courtesy to speak with directly about it first.

  2. Troy – Exactly! He popped round after dinner tonight to drop in some Sonny’s stuff for school tomorrow and I couldn’t bring myself to ask him about it directly. He didn’t say anything either. I am not sure that I can bear to have the conversation just yet. Am too cross.

  3. Totally agree with EA Troy, he should’ve discussed it with you…if not out of consideration to you, then to keep relations good between you for Sonny’s sake. Feel for you that’s a real tough one and something that you cannot control, which is infuriating. Stay strong. fx

  4. I think you are justified and well within your right to demand your 50 % share now he has someone else moving in. Home come he got to keep the house in the first place and didn’t let you and your son have it?
    There is being civilised and friendly for the sake of your child and I am all for that, as my parents still hate each other and don’t speak over 20 years down the line, but he has to be fair…
    Let the anger go and then speak to him rationally about it. The way you have summed it up in the post…
    Good luck!

  5. OOh – Ouch. I can feel the pain – but you’re sounding very dignified about it.

  6. Frances – Yes, he should have discussed it with me first. But I think deep down he knows that what he is doing is unfair and doesn’t feel comfortable approaching me about it. He knows that it will probably start the ball rolling (which I am seriously having to think about now) and is trying to avoid it at all costs. If he moved in with her I wouldn’t have an issue, but her living there rent free really winds me up, especially when I am struggling to make ends meet.
    Confused – “How come he got the house in the first place?” Let’s just say things got very difficult (caused by him, not me), and I had to get out! Because he has contributed more financially to the house that me he refuses to budge. Will try to speak to him calmly about it in a few days time.
    Lulu – Am trying my best, thanx

  7. Ouch. You are brave. He is a tit. And your child is OK and will be, because you are doing all the right things. I’d send you courage but I think you have lots already. ( I’ll send some anyway.)

  8. Bon courage … it’s hard, but I think (with the very few elements we have here) that you have taken the right decision, for your son at least.

  9. when the time is right you will know… then you can start taking care of you..

    I enjoy your blog.. hope you will be able to visit mine.

    See you soon!

  10. so sorry to hear all your hassles, my dearest friend here is in a situation a bit like yours, some would say better some worse. She’s living in her ex’s house which his mother part owns. He’s moved in with “the other woman” but has is works workshop where she is living with her daughter, so he’s back and fore whenever he likes has a key to the house etc. She can’t afford to rent anywhere and they weren’t married. Like you she could take him to court but her lovely girl only sees him once a week for about 10mins before he’s off again and like you she know the shit will hit the fan once she goes down that road. So she’s staying put, it’s her home too and there are no other options, but it means she is tied to that house, his elderly mother next door and him coming and going at will. Not ideal, he’s an arse my hubby and I bump into him a bit and butter wouldn’t melt…..such a lovely daughter too and he makes no effort with her, some people need to smell the roses. I’ll be thinking of you and I hope you get some kind of resolution with the house and money etc. I’m guessing french law is different to here? Claire, Wales UK

  11. Claire – Thank you for taking the time to share your friend’s story, it means a lot. It must be awful for her having her ex’s mother right next door. I hope she manages to find a way out soon.

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