Catch up
January 15, 2010

It’s official, I’m a ‘stop n’ start’ blogger. Life just seems to take over and there is never any time. I have no idea how you lot (aka my blog list…except for Housewife in the Highlands, who seems to have screeched to a halt at about the same time as me in May last year) manage to keep it up? Your lives seem as hectic, if not more so than mine but there you are, tap, tap, tapping away. So now that I have admitted that you’re great and I’m crap, here’s your bi-annual update, starting with today:

This morning: the ‘gastro’ (stomach flu) is ripping through this town like a dose of salts (pun intended). Everyone seems to have had it except for me and my son. Feeling a bit smug, I remarked to a friend yesterday that it seems to have passed us by. I should know by now to NEVER EVER tempt fate like that. Consequently, I woke up this morning feeling a bit queasy. As I haven’t had sex in ages, I’m definitely not pregnant. BOLLOX – that’s to having the ‘gastro’ and not to not being pregnant….Anyway, decided not to apply mascara this morning just in case I am required to say hello to last night’s roast pork dinner (with carrots I might add) at some point during the day. Vomiting and mascara (and carrots) just don’t go – makes my eyes smart just thinking about it. Every cloud has a silver lining though and this one’s weight loss. Come to think of it, god probably created the ‘gastro’ to help people lose those extra pounds after Christmas. That’s why it only ever seems to appear in January, a bit like those Weight Watchers ads.

Yesterday: I received a letter saying that I have won a prize in the local ‘Vitrine de Noel’ (Christmas Window) competition. I never win anything. I was so excited that I phoned all my friends to let them know. They no doubt think I am really sad now. Hey ho. The prizes are great. A holiday for two somewhere hot (must find a partner), dinner for two in a local restaurant (must find a partner), crates of wine (should be able to manage that one my own). Will find out what I’ve won next Wednesday when all the prizes will be handed out at the town hall. Will keep you posted. In light of my blogging track record, that’ll be some time in June.

Tuesday: In light of my current single status and the fact that I live in the country, surrounded by old men, alcoholics and pigs, I have swallowed my pride and joined an internet dating site. So far I have been on dates with one old man (his recent profile picture must have been taken circa 1980), an alcoholic (he had more than his fair share of wine over dinner, but maybe that was down to nerves?) and 3 little pigs – no change there then! Piglet No 1, after I refused to bed him on our first encounter, called me up the next day to tell me how handsome he was and…..wait for it….how, at the grand old age of 36, and with a kid in tow, I should be lucky if anyone wanted to bed me at all! Suffice to say, I didn’t give him a second date. Bacon boy No 2 only ever called me after 9pm on a Tuesday night when he knew I didn’t have my son – obviously in search of some free sex, rather than a relationship then! At least Piglet No1 had the courtesy to take me out for dinner before he tried. And the 3rd little Piggy is indeed a pig (a policeman), or le ‘Flic’ as he referred to himself, with a glint in his eye, over coffee on Tuesday. However, he was also very keen to let me know that he was a ‘nice’ policeman. And so far, it would seem that he is. We plan to meet again next week, however, I do have one reservation: my friends. They are not the most law-abiding of citizens. So, if I do decide to take things further with Mr Flic I can kiss goodbye to any future dinner party invites. Think I need some time to mull this one over!

To be cont…….

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